Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
