She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
