New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I party with great urgency now.
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