I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
