just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
