I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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