youre lurking in front of me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
