third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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