It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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