you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
