Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
