He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
