I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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