someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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