Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
