We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
