So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
