I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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