I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
