rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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