Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
