Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
