I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
