I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
