Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
