well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's the barista slut.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
