is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
