I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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