it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
