i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
