The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
