8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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