I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
