thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
