I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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