i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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