why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
