Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
