Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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