you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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