I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
