Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
