i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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