we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
