She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
