Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
