look no pants
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
