So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
