I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Someone signed my nipple.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
