It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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