As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
