That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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