Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
