A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
