I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
